TOP 100 REASONS TO BE A GLAD GAY GUY:

1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets.
4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.
5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit.
8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
9. You really have "been there, done that."
10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."
12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.
17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
18. You know that the most important part of a party's decor is the catering staff.
19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
20. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
22. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
23. You've always got an opinion.
24. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
25. You know how to dress strategically.
26. Your car has an amusing female name.
27. You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.
28. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
30. You know that sex complicates things. So?
31. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult.
32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you.
34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
35. You have at least one movie musical on video.
36. You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
37. You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
39. You know how to make an entrance.
40. You know when to make an exit.
41. You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli.
42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
43. You know how to program your VCR.
44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
48. You know when to play dumb.
49. You know what to do for a hangover.
50. Yes, you do have a condom.
51. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend.
52. One or more of the following apply to you:
a) You adore Judy Garland
b) You hate Judy Garland
c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.
d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.
e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland.
f) Who is Judy Garland?
53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
a) Bernadette
b) Chita
c) Barbra
54. You made Donna Summer a star.
55. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
56. Tanning salons were invented for you.
57. You've made sunbathing a performance art.
58. You know when the party's over.
59. You know where to go after the party's over.
60. You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
61. When you hear "a stitch in time saves nine" you think of
a) Your grandma
b) Your face lift
c) John Wayne Bobbit
62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your "roommate."
64. You know that referring to someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment.
65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian.
67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian.
68. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man".
69. You've been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each.
70. You'll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one.
73. You've left someone totally speechless.
74. You've shaved something other than your face.
75. All your friends do not have to "get along".
76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
77. Your love handles are actually used as such.
78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
79. You've got a large assortment of movie-star biographies.
80. You've got the most interesting coffee table books.
81. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain't in your kitchen drawer.
82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls.
84. You know your enemies.
85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
86 You're Barbra Streisand's biggest fan.
87. You know that Barbra Streisand's biggest fan is Barbra Streisand.
88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes you've added side dishes.
89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair.
90. You've actually lived out some of your fantasies.
91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
93. You know, by heart, every line in:
a) All about Eve
b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
c) Your face
94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal.
96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme's song.
97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.
98. Even if you're in Kansas, you're not in Kansas anymore.
99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes.
100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too.

22 STUPID COMING OUT TIPS:

1) Never come out in an argument or to hurt someone.
2) Never come out in a moving vehicle.
3) A person is more intelligent than a group of people; come out to people one at a time and somewhere private.
4) People who are ignorant may say things initially that they don't realize are painful to hear. Remember they are simply unaware and in a state of surprise. They may already know.
5) Coming out in drag is a bit much [unless you really have the right shoes...]
6) Be sober.
7) Don't have your lover with you. This is not "Let's Make a Deal" -- more surprises are not good.
8) Be ready for them to need time and space to think about things before any discussion takes place.
9) Be ready for them to drill you with questions that may or may not offend you [see #4].
10) Sometimes it's easier to read about an issue than to admit you are uneducated. Have a book, pamphlet, phone number, or other resource that can be called upon when you're not around.
11) It is your life to live, and you only have one, and the bottom line is that you are going to continue living as a gay person no matter what their reaction is.
12) It may not be a bad idea to have smelling salts handy.
13)There are people who will never be supportive no matter what is said.
14) If your audience had that deer in the headlights look, don't make any quick moves.
15) Breathe. [Seriously.]
16) No two coming out experiences are ever the same.
17) Don't plan on doing anything else for the rest of the day/night.
18) People will need a lot of time, for the most part, to really think about things.
19) Always have an escape plan. You may not need it, but if you do, you won't be surprised. Have a place to crash for the night, and money you can get to in case a worst-case scenario does occur.
20) Have resources for you to call -- you need support too!
21) Just because you come out to someone once, doesn't mean you won't have to do it again, and again, and again.
22) Do not try to answer questions about Richard Simmons, Rosie O'Donnell, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Richard Gere [or the Gerbils], Oscar Wilde, the Spice Girls, Bert and Ernie, or anyone else.

Top 10 Ways to Please a Woman

1) If you like her, hold out at least three months. (This will drive her crazy and make you more mysterious.)
2) Try to refrain from seeing her more than once a week. (Temptation is a hard thing to resist, especially in a beautiful woman.)
3) When you kiss her, make it count. (Give her an idea of what your tongue can do.)
4) While you're holding out, tell her what you plan on doing to her sexually. (Always best to do this by phone.)
5) Sex is at least 50% mental. The things you tell her should be stimulating to a woman. (You want to make her fantasize about you.) Remember, the more she wants it, the better it will be when she gets it.
6) Ask her questions. Find out what she likes and dislikes.
7) Any woman can make a man come, but not every man can make a woman come. (This means you do whatever it takes to get the job done and you'll be her hero.)
8) Take your time and use a lot of foreplay. (Slow and steady wins the race.)
9) Oral sex is the key to success. (Don't stpop until she tell you to.)
10) If she's satisfied, you're satisfied. (No rule could be truer.)

26 Things That A Perfect Guy Would Do

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
6. Play with your hair.
7. His hands always find yours.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know when to be serious.
13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.
14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
16. Smile a lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just b/c he knows it means a lot to you.
18. Appreciate you.
19. Help others out.
20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1 minute.
21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.
22. Sing, even if he can't.
23. Have a creative sense of humor.
24. Stare at you.
25. Call for no reason.
26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs, just because he loves you that much to quit it.